Didn’t do much this week and a half. We went out, and I bought my first guitar. It cost me about 200 dollars plus, but I think it was well worth it. I figured we’re gonna be here long enough, might as well try to learn it. We went Go Carting, and that was pretty fun too. The cars were pretty fast, a lot better than what they had at Golf N’ Stuff back home. Then the following weekend we went over to the Go Cart World somewhere to the east of here, it was one of the best days we’ve spent here at Wisconsin. They had pretty crazy wooden roller coasters that went through like twice before they stopped. It cost us 40 dollars just to get the admission for all day, but I think in some ways it was worth it. Although I would have said it was well worth if it cst 30 or so instead… We went shooting one day, and I shot 29 out of 40 with Urmanita’s rifle. I think I did fairly well considering I hadn’t shot for a while, but I wish I get more chances to get out there and shoot more often. We set up GP Medium tents again and did some other postal bullshit training. I tried to stick around CQ as much as possible.
So what are we doing here? I have no idea. We were supposed to be on the May 25th plane ride to Kuwait. They cancelled our orders 42 hours before the actual flight, and now we’re waiting for our new mission. Maybe we’ll just get sent back home. But I don’t care anymore as long as I get away from here. I feel like a POW here. Back home I thought there was a solution to everything, or at least an alternative, no matter how bad a situation was. But here I have neither. Uncertainty over our own future is something you can’t prepare for. You can’t train for loneliness, for feeling useless and weak. I have no control over my own life. Expendable. The Army screwed up big time with this war. When we come back we’ll have no parades but instead more stares, lingering thoughts and new fears to confront.
I haven’t been to the church for a while. Since 2nd week of March actually. When it comes down to that I don’t have much to say. I don’t see any need for it right now and I believe it’s going to hurt my faith instead of helping it. So I restrain from that and keep my faith at the level it’s at. I don’t even know if I smile and laugh the same way anymore.
It still gets real nasty sometimes. Talk about ruthless 20mph wind in 30 degree weather… And we took the physical fitness test like this? Damn… I hate this weather, but I hate this place more. Everytime I look at the television broadcast of how the war is going, I wish I was there. In a way, I’m jealous. In another way, I’m glad I’m safely here. But calling friends to let them know that I’m still here… I dont’ want to do that anymore. I now know the worst feeling in the world: not having a purpose in life, and being afraid to call home. Hopefully we’ll be out of here soon, but I dont see it happening for at least 2 or 3 more weeks.
After 3 months, there isn’t anything more you can go over. We do some BS training. Sometimes it’s really useful but other times it’s not. We run 5 miles, then play basketball or soccer, run back, and do the same thing the next day, excpet we got extra 10 pounds on our back. My shin splints are getting worse, my jaw pops in and out and ibuprofen doesn’t help. I have a fever or a headache everyday I wake up and I lost my appetite long ago. I feel stupid and useless. I’m physically at my strongest. I’ve never done 85 pushups in 2 minutes or ran 2 miles in 13:45 before. But the truth is, I’ve never felt so weak before either. But you know what… this is the life I chose.