Well, thank God for Thanksgiving. I had a blast. Met up with Sung, Matt Lee and McKinney, David Uyan, and of course, Sean Novak. Watched a movie, played some Star Wars Trivia, watched Band of Brothers episodes 1-5, Lord of the Rings Extended version, went to family reunion, joined gasupusa, and went out to get coffee on thanksgiving. Too bad the places were closed, but we did stop by a Chinese Boba place. Those Chinese, they’re willing to work anytime anywhere for money. I thought this one girl that was working there was real cute, so I tried to get her number but ended up getting her AIM sn. I’ve yet to see her online, so I guess that was just a fluke. Oh well. Drove back home at 10:30 AM and got here at 4, less than 6 hour drive, good times since we were only going at the most 80 mph. Slept around 5AM and woke up at 12.
Psalm 144
Be not that far from me, for trouble is near; haste Thee to help me… Blessed be the Lord my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight… My goodness, and my fortress; my high tower, and my deliverer; my shield, and he in whom I trust; who subdueth my people under me… O my God, I trust in thee: let me not be ashamed, let not mine enemies triumph over me.
What do you say to a man who has everything? What do you say to a man who has nothing? Sometimes you could tell them exactly the same thing. Lately, I’ve been haunted by my own failures. I tried. I tried very hard to live without regrets. But no matter how hard I try, I am always preoccupied with my failures. My only regret now is not having had any. Why does it hurt me so? Why does my heart cry so? What do you say to a man who has nothing to lose and nothing to gain? I just wish… I wish for one thing today. I wish that I could have been there…that I could have done something for him…that I never had to stand and look over him. My step-father has told me that a man is judged not by how many parties he goes to, but how many funerals he has attended. Is such a sacrifice necessary to help me realize that? I know that I cannot blame God. I know that I cannot say that God will not test me beyond my capabilities, my strengths to handle the situation. I should have been weaker. Then things would have been different. But I know that my Lord is there to help me through this trial that has hurt me since that one dark Wednsday night at 3AM. I never realized that a phone call could shake the very foundations of everything I believe in. That one person could so devastate the very meaning of my life. I miss him dearly. Is this what he was trying to accomplish? Why? I would have done anything to prevent it. Anything. The pain I feel now is too great for sorrow or remorse. I must carry the burden by myself… I must carry on.