Bring it on. (not the movie)
I started seminary school on Monday, May 23rd. I decided to get the 2 “remedial” classes out of the way first, the Introduction to Greek and Introduction to Hebrew classes. I personally considered them to be prereq classes, because I felt that I’d have a deeper understanding of the things to come in my studies of the Bible if I understood those well first. But this might either be the stupidest thing I’ve ever done or the smartest thing I’ve ever done. They’re hard. Very hard. It took me hours just to get through the first lecture for Hebrew, and I keep going back to it. Learning 2 languages at the same time that are written completely differently (and in fact in opposite directions!) may be too much to handle. And I’m starting late, too, because I got accepted into Seminary on Saturday the 21st, got into those 2 classes on Monday the 23rd, got my books on Wednesday and Thursday, went to Milal and Discipleship classes on Thursday and Friday night, and really only had Saturday to try and catch up. So I’m already a week behind. And to do all that same material in 10 weeks as opposed to 12. It’s gonna be tough. I hope I don’t regret the decision to continue to do both of them.
But this is where I come in and say bring it on. Sure, famous last words (George W. Bush comes to mind, who said those words immediately preceding the devastation of Iraqi attacks in Fallujah), but I’ve had several of those moments in my life. When I was deployed for war, I had that same mentality. When I was stranded in the middle of nowhere in Patagonia, Ushuaia, and my car had just blown up, I recorded myself saying something to the tune of, “this makes it harder, which makes it that much more worthwhile.” When I went on a church winter retreat and the opposing team ambushed us, I was the only one that actually ran towards them in defiance rather than running away in cowardice. (this of course, may also be indicative of some military training, which says you ALWAYS run THROUGH ambushes, not away.) When my company was going bankrupt, I helped put together a plan to keep it solvent within 4 weeks instead of giving up and doing something else in Washington DC. It’s not unprecedented. And I continue to say bring it on.
I got baptized today, May 29, 2011. Complete immersion in water. I was nervous at first and am still living through it. The water was really cold! But I’m real happy about the experience and I’m glad that the church congregation and my family were able to witness something that I think will stay with me for a long, long time. Immediately thereafter, as I was changing clothes in the restroom, I just thought to myself that I need to reconcile some things with some people I know, including my mother, which I will describe in some detail below. And I also thought to myself that I’m not as benevolent/forgiving as I thought I was. I have a feeling that kind of humbling experience will continue to develop my character. Wasn’t the first and won’t be the last. Bring it on.
Afterwards, my cousins Stephen, Elijah, and Stephen’s family and I went to eat dinner. As usual, the conversation turned theological. I sat down after getting some water for the table, and Stephen then asked Elijah to ask me the question they were just talking about, and that he’s trying to train me up. Elijah asked me something to the tune of “who gets the blame of people ending up in hell?” And I answered, “God.” For x, y, and z. It’s now apparent that my answer was wrong, but I thought of two things.
First, if he had asked me questions that built up to that final question, I probably would have answered it differently. For example, even if he started out with “who is responsible for the fall of man?” and then led me to the “who gets the blame of people ending up in hell?” I would have answered that differently, that the responsibility of our damnation remains within us. However, my answer could have very well still ended up wrongly as “God” if he first asked, “who sends people to hell?” But “God” getting the “blame” of people in hell is still the wrong answer because he is the judge, not the one who caused you to sin. So what did I learn? I learned that I don’t know much. I know the very basics, and that’s why I’m going to seminary school. And that those foundations are so important, because they lead to some of the more important questions such as “who gets the blame/who is responsible for people in hell.” But I can’t get there yet.
And second, even though it exposed me for not knowing much, and yes, psychologically I experienced cognitive dissonance, I am deeply hoping that that kind of attitude on Stephen/Elijah/Peter/anyone else’s part will continue, and that is to continue to push me and my understanding. Because I consider the pursuit and growing understanding of the eternal truth is much more important than a minute of my own temporary personal unplesasantries. Bring it on.