I’ve never had a run-in with the police before. Until today.
I have less than 4 weeks to study for a test on 4 years worth of high school mathematics. But I’ve always found that my mind is saner after writing about a lingering subject.
At noon, I had a chiropractor appointment. Now this office has both chiropractors and physical therapists in the same office, but in different parts. I signed in to the chiropractor sign-in sheet, and waited for a few seconds. They’ve seen me before, about 8 times in the last 4 weeks, and was used to their procedure. They always called me up real soon. There were two huge draws to this office. First, I worked only 4 floors away from this chiropractor, and second, the chiropractor had a policy to not charge co-payments for the people that work in the same office. It was a nice perk he was using as a promotion, and he was a good chiropractor, too, so I’ve been real happy.
They called me up in a few seconds like they always do, and led me to another part of the building that physical therapists use. I followed them, not knowing what was going on. I just assumed that perhaps they were moving me on to a different regimen since we were at the end of the 4 week session that we agreed to. A man who works as a physical therapist entered, and asked who my doctor was. I was in the wrong place, alright.
The receptionist came in to take me to the proper area, but didn’t apologize. Instead, adding insult to injury, she accused me of signing the wrong sheet that led her to believe I was supposed to be there. So we went back to the signing sheet, and I was vindicated.
As I was leaving, she apologized about the mix-up. I thought it was the right thing to do to be nice, so I replied and said that it wasn’t a big deal and that I thought it was just funny that’s all.
At 12:30, I had an appointment with the optometrist to get new glasses. They asked for my purpose of being there as soon as I walked in, almost as if they were annoyed that I was there. I told her that I had made an appointment to get my eye exam to get fixed up for contacts and glasses. She asked if it was my first time, and it was clear that she didn’t expect me. I finally told her that I made the appointment for today. She didn’t see me in the system at all, and looked me up by name. I was on schedule at 12:30 PM on Tuesday, alright, but on the 18th. Last Tuesday, not today. She told me that I never showed.
Well I was pretty upset. Because I immediately thought that’s impossible, because I called them on on Thursday. So how would it be possible for me to make an appointment for a day that had already passed? She seemed annoyed that I was there. Didn’t even ask if I wanted to reschedule, even if she thought I was in the wrong. I was upset but didn’t say anything and just left. And yes, my office phone stores all calling information, and I had called them on Thursday at 3:21 PM.
I think what made both matters worse is the fact that they immediately blamed me for something that they did wrong. It wasn’t, oh let’s see what happened, perhaps this or that. Nope, they both immediately jumped to the conclusion that I was at fault. The first one I was able to prove and got an apology for, which was nice. The second one, I couldn’t prove then and there, and that wasn’t nice.
I got some food to go and was jaywalking across the street. Now I work around the World Trade Center so there’s always police presence there. Anyway, there were some cones set up on the other side of the street with about 4 cops hanging out. I decided to cross because there were no trucks there whatsoever. A cop started yelling at me. I don’t remember what he said. I’m pretty sure I heard it and understood it then, but now I just don’t remember anymore. Anyway, I do remember thinking to myself, well there’s nothing I can do. I’m already 80% of the way across the street, and there were no cars there, so what’s the big deal? Would he have me turn all the way around again? Besides, jaywalking in New York happens all the time. I do remember thinking that I didn’t know how to respond. Do I acknowledge them and freeze in the middle of the road? Or do I acknowledge them and keep on jaywalking? I mean, I was screwed either way. So I just kept walking without acknowledging them at all.
Well, wrong decision. About 5 steps down the sidewalk, I heard some cop yelling at me. I was appalled, because I thought they’d let it go. I mean, this kind of stuff happens all the time in front of cops, especially in front of World Trade Center, where there are heavy foot traffic (tourists and people that work there) and bus and car traffic. People sometimes disregard cops’ orders to stay put just because they’re in a rush. So I turned around, and this guy was irate. I knew then and there that nothing I said was going to assuage him. I just told him, “I’m sorry, sir.” And I actually have some memory of what happened after that. He replied, “Yeah you’re sorry only because I stopped you right now. You weren’t sorry before. Let me see your ID.”
They didn’t treat me like I was a terrorist, but they did treat me as though I had just insulted them big time. One of them stayed put to watch me, and told me to stand by the wall and not by the street, and to keep my hands off my pocket. It was quite cold outside, and I didn’t have my gloves on, so I put them under my armpits.
There was one cop that was watching over me, and we started to talk cordially a bit. He asked me where I work, and I told him that I literally work a building down, about 100 feet away. He asked what I do, and I told him I’m a financial analyst for a non-profit company. He asked if I were in a hurry. I wasn’t, but I just said I needed to get back to work. He said I could use my phone to call them if need be, but I told him that won’t be necessary. It didn’t really matter to me what I said at that time anyway, because he was just keeping watch while others were pulling up my records and writing up the ticket. But I told him that I’ve done that kind of traffic stop before, where you’re stopping cars for threats and doing random inspections. Then he said, “well, if you’ve done it before, then you should have known to listen to us.” I told him that he’s right, that they’re just doing their job, and that I was wrong. He asked me what I was thinking, whether I was really busy and had a lot in my mind. I said I did. But I was thinking more about what happened with the chiropractor and the optometrist, though he thought it was something work related. He asked if I heard them. I said that I did, but that I didn’t really know if it was for me, because I was already across the street. He then told me what to expect: they’re going to write up a summons ticket for me to appear in court, but the fine should be $25-$50 range.
The original guy who started this whole thing came back, and he was more calm this time. He said, “Look, I didn’t become a cop so that I can be an a-hole to people and give them tickets for jaywalking. I became a cop to protect people. I would have just let you go if you immediately acknowledged me and said you’re sorry. What you were doing was dangerous. As you were crossing the street, we were just pulling in a box-truck. You were endangering yourself. You can walk across the street when it’s safe, but use the crosswalk when it’s not.” I apologized to him, and he let me go.
Now I didn’t think it was gonna be a big deal. $25-$50 ticket, and go, right? Well, it turns out this wasn’t like a ticket. It was a real summons to go to court, and I didn’t have the option to just pay it online. To make matters worse, the summons is for June 11, 2014, a full 2 weeks after I should be long gone and moved permanently to Charlotte, North Carolina. And if I don’t show up, there would be a warrant for my arrest. I started to get really upset then. Not at the cops, but a lot more at the situation, and a bit at myself. I thought about how I would have to come flying back just to appear in court for a couple hours over jaywalking, and the cost associated with that. Plus, I would be in mandatory training with Teach for America. This was not going to go well with them.
I later learned that a lawyer can represent me in court. But for $375. All of a sudden, jaywalking for me had become much more expensive. There is a huge difference between $25 I was expecting to pay online, vs $375 to pay a lawyer to appear in court for me. There is a slight chance that I may be able to go earlier, but the lawyer I talked to made it sound like it’s improbable; it sometimes happens, but usually for a week or a few days in advance, not two weeks like what I was looking for.
I thought about this the whole day. And I’m thankful in many ways, that I had this experience. I hope that I never have an unnecessary run-in with the police again, but I learned a lot through a simple jaywalking ticket.
First, I should say that though $375 would be a huge hit for me, since I will be making $35,000 a year as a teacher in Charlotte, I’m not too worried about the money. But, I should also say that the $375 is what helped me really wrestle with what transpired. If they had just given me a hard time, checked my ID for felonies, and let me go, I would have probably just thought to myself, stay away from cops, and acknowledge them whenever possible, and move on. I wouldn’t be writing today if that were the case.
Second, I thought about the law. A lot. It didn’t matter if I’ve been conditioned to disobey the law by jaywalking in front of the police and get away with it; believe me, it happens at every signal change at the World Trade Center intersections. It didn’t matter if he was just in a grumpy mood. It didn’t matter whether I was caught in a Catch-22 of two bad choices even if I acknowledged him; keep jaywalking because I was almost there anyway, or stop in the middle of the road and turn around. It didn’t matter whether I knew that was against the law or not. I am under the NYC and American jurisdiction, which means I’m under their law. Which means that I was immediately guilty, regardless of how often someone else got away with it, regardless of how I had been conditioned to not think much of jaywalking in front of cops and disobeying their commands to stop in the past, and regardless of whether I knew it was against the law or not. I had transgressed the law, plain and simple. I was, simply put, wrong.
Third, I thought about the cop. He was irate, but wasn’t cursing at me or pushing me around or anything. He was much more collected later on, probably understanding that I just had a lot on my mind and that I didn’t mean malice by ignoring him. All I felt after a while was just humility; meaning, I was really sorry to have offended him. I didn’t mean to offend him, but I knew that I had. I thought that perhaps I’d see him again, since he seemingly does that traffic stop every once in a while. I thought about getting him a $25 gift certificate to Burger King around the corner. I couldn’t think of much else to show how sorry I was. He’d probably laugh it off and tell me to keep it to myself. But then I would know that even if he didn’t accept my apologetic gift, whatever it may be, that he and I would have been reconciled.
Then I thought long and hard about what all of this entailed. I thought about how this may be a good illustration for me to learn from. I realize now these things.
First, it doesn’t matter how good you think you are. You are constantly disobeying God in your sinful nature. And this happens over and over again. It doesn’t matter if you see people around you and they seem to be doing well even when they transgress against the law of God. The atheists who seem to have everything even though they transgress against the law of God. Just because it appears as though they are getting away with it, like the foot and car traffic at the World Trade Center, doesn’t mean that they are not guilty for having done wrong. And moreover, it does not give me any more right to transgress the law of NYC just because others are getting away with it. In the same way, it does not give me any more right to transgress the law of God just because others are getting away with it.
Second, I understand this verse so much better now: “For when Gentiles, who do not have the law, by nature do what the law requires, they are a law to themselves, even though they do not have the law” (Romans 2:14). Every single time they transgress against the moral law of God, it’s not just some “law” that they transgress against. Like the cop I didn’t acknowledge, what makes it that much more despicable is that we anger God in our sinful nature by not even acknowledging the fact that he is telling us to listen to him and obey him. Our moral law that innately tells us that we are sinful and have all done immoral things in our lives is pointing to the fact that it isn’t some arbitrary words that we have angered. We have angered God himself.
Third, I understand the wrath of God more. Even the threat of an idea of how the confrontation might end at that time was at least unnerving. I heard the footsteps of several cops when I heard the order to stop. There were four cops that surrounded me on all sides when I did stop. Probably an overkill for jaywalking violation, but no matter. My heart was not at peace, and it sucked. I can only imagine what will happen to the sinful people at the end of their own lives, confronting God. More than the cop that I angered today by jaywalking, we anger God for trillions of reasons over our lifetime. And when he stands at the judgment throne to sentence us, will we have anything to say? I don’t think so. I knew immediately that the cop was in the right no matter what, and that I was in the wrong no matter what, and that nothing I was going to say was going to get me out of it. In the same way, the end of ages is coming. That judgment gonna be a trillion times more scary than what I experienced today. Every mouth will be stopped because God will be in the right, we will be in a wrong, and we will know it, all too well.
Fourth, I understand the love of God more. In our own nature, we cannot pay the debt. Jaywalking may cost me $375. How much more will all our most egregious sins cost me at the judgment throne of God? Oh we will pay for it for eternity. But God so loved the world that he sent his only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16). That if we confess with our mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in our hearts that God raised him from the dead, we will be saved (Romans 10:9). He has every right to be angry at sin and at sinners. He has every right to send me to hell for all eternity. But in Christ, I have been redeemed. I am safe. More than that, the Holy Spirit dwells in me. God himself has decided to dwell in me to keep me from his judgment. And even more than that, we have the inheritance of Christ, so that we share in his blessings. Wow. Knowing the judgment to hell that I deserve , and knowing the mercies of God that I will receive in the end, I cannot help but praise God for that. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
And finally, I understand what brings us to obey God more now: humility. Once I understood that I had angered the cop, and that he was rightly angered by my actions (and inactions), I was immediately brought down low to humility. There wasn’t anything I could have said in front of him then and there, and there wasn’t anything that I could do in the future that would have brought that moment back in my life so that I could do it all over again. But I wanted to show my appreciation for him, and show him that I really was truly sorry about what I did. And it may sound pathetic, but $25 gift certificate to Burger King was just an idea I had to show that I was really sorry. I think in the same way, if we truly understand how much we had angered God, we would want to do something to show that we were sorry. But more than that, God also paid the penalty for our sins through the death of his Son, Jesus Christ. How much more, then, should we want to do something to show that we are grateful? Should we not then give ourselves over to Him?
And when I finally came to that conclusion, walking uphill back home at 7PM, a full 6 hours after the altercation had happened, I thought to myself, ‘well then, I need to tell the world somehow about the judgment that awaits them, greater than the anxiety you feel when human laws are called up against you, and greater than the fear you feel when the temporary judgment is pronounced against you.’
So for all that, I am so thankful for today. So thankful that through monetary hits in my life, God has allowed me to learn more about what He should mean to me. So thankful that he chose to love me, and pay the penalty that I deserved to pay with my life for all eternity. So thankful that the charges against me, all legitimate, were crucified on the cross for me. So thankful that he’s even given me a chance to thank him. So thankful that more than that he has given me the heavenly inheritance because he died for me.
Thank you, God. I love you. What can I do for you? How can I show you that I am sorry? How can I show you that I understand that I deserve whatever fine you place on me, for all eternity? How can I show you that I understand that you love me? How can I show you that I love you?
Whatever path you want me to take to show you that, I will do.